Everything is going according to my plans. I feel happy =)

I'm really not sure in whom I trust, lastly I feel I was living a illusion for such a long time that now I'm not sure on what is real and what is not... Or maybe I refuse to accept the reality, or, maybe is now when I'm living inside that illusion.

For a little the pretended reality I was living it felt ok, like drugs maybe, you get used to it, then you leave it and then you kinda want it back but without the bad things, so then you feel confused and dizzy and sad... I belive that's what I feel right now...

The mood changes have become so frequent and so aggresive that sometimes scares me a lot, the problem is that I get things too personal and hardly I get over it, sometimes I think I've but the reality is I dont.

And yes, I need to say it, right now, I hate all of those who I thought where my friednds, the GANG boys and girls, you know what I mean; and I feel I hate them 'cause I kinda feel used in so many ways that I feel heavily lazy for post 'em here...

(random) Fun fact: Yesterday I conviced myself it was friday and then, I fought with my mum for a time debating the reality of my mistake lol, I'm a big fat old stubborn mule.

Anyways, I deffenitly need the art classes back and the art on my life, It's the only way I've found so long for feel free of my mind and my self-created illusions, I'm going for sure next monday and maybe this saturday too... I need a bit of sugar in my lately sour life and mood...and maybe a girlfriend, are you interested? lol

Yeah I know I suck at this and I'm not the best blogger that exists but anyways, I feel the urge to rant about something but the truth is that my head's so empty that I dont find anything to rant about. Maybe I can say that... I hate this layout? (So random)

I was trying to upload somethings to the web, but the server seems to be offline...yay something to rant about!...actually now I dont feel I want to rant anymore (DAMN!). It seems that THAT's now a constant on my life, I mean, want to do something when I've no idea on what to do and then when I got the idea I just dont want to do it anymore... Maybe I'm becoming crazy... well, craziest!?

I think I need a job! but fuck I'm not sure what kind of JOB do I want... If I become a prostitute, will you spare some money to me? (very random again lol). Anyways, I really, trully, honestly dont want to work has an engeenier, somedays I think about start studing again but then I feel that I dont want to, if I do it, it's like if I'm threwing all the years I expended on college studing engeenery but, if I dont, I'm still wasting time... so what the hell! yeah I've a bowl of half cooked spaguetti on my head instead of a brain >_<

So now it's getting close THAT (being supersticious... so that's why I'm not saying what it is) opportunity again, but there are still some stuff getting in the way, like the shitty "free-SAP-classes with future work opportunity and other kind of shiny things" I was called and interviewed like a month ago, but you know what? I really dont want to take it, I'm tired of being doing things I dont want to do just because it could gave me some...prestige?. The other day I was talking with a artist friend who happens to also be a college and who's frustrated with the career as I'm, but the difference's that she has been practicing for like 3 years already; she told me that she hates to work and that she hates her work but that almost everybody else is the same... so, do I've to be the same? HELL NO!... thou it seems that I'm pretty comfortable by doing things I dont want to do, the reality is a complete different story... My friend's going back to USA this sunday (she's working and living there) she obtained a work visa thanks to her boss so, even if she hates to work doing the dull shitt she does, she's not quitting because she wants to be living in the US (with the actual country situation, I think ANY PLACE'S better than here).

Anyways, Im talking a lot of shit and dumb-no sense stuff, maybe's because the shitty Brittany Murphy movie that's been transmited on the tv right now, so I'm better get going... maybe to sleep, I dont know.

BTW, dont you think this (y) kinda looks like an ass? lol

Hello people, no it's not a ghost and, no, I wasnt dead and yes it's really me, Elessar Elendil. I know it has pass ages and ages and ages since the last time I wrote anything here, I just didnt feel like to do it so, lol, suddenly I forgott I've a LJ account xD since today, and all was thanks to Eleniel (bless her) and one of our weird projects... you'll know later what I mean ;)

So about me, umph, yeah there's a lot to say, let's see, Im gonna try to write a list with the things I remember... surely I will remember a thousend things when I stop writting this one but, oh well, I'm gonna try to do my best OK?.

1- What happened with PBOX?
A: PBOX is officially death, I closed it long ago because I didnt feel anymore the need to be doing collages and stuff, actually, I start to felt that the collages draw a lot of my creativity and turn it in something I dindt like at all and something I dont consider neither artistic nor creative, sorry to be so harsh but that's what I felt. So then, PBOX went into a permanent HIATUS mode, I tried to bring it back so many times, by doing layouts, coding the whole web, writting my own code applications and thounsend of other things but there was always a point were my muse fade and I start to hate everything... Then one day, Leo, my old host, told me that he was closing virtual insanity and in that moment I decide that the BOX will not be open again.

I still have a lot of my old collages and Im also planning the opening of a new website for my artwork, this time for my draws and digi-paint, but that's another story ;)

2- Whats been of you this past years?
A: No to much for be honest, I grew older of course lol. I think the most relevant is that now I'm not anymore a student but a Engenieer, and to tell you the truth, I really dont know if I'll work on my area for living... I got to many things on my mind right now, I'm in those "what I want" phases lol, and I still have'nt found the answer

3- What have you been doing all this time?
A: Apart of studing, I took a short course of webdesing and became a certified specialist in the area, fun fact is that I've so much time without even coding in HTML that I feel that all the knowledge I gaing there has go out of my brain. I've been practicing my digital drawing and paiting, became a HUGE fan of Enayla and her work (I WANT TO BE LIKE HER. sniff sniff.) and have experimented with the hyper-realism by using digital techniques. I grew a strong friendship with a group of people of my career and then I shrink it, turns out that people dont know about limits, but oh well. I got a huge fight with my thesis partner and then became "friends" again, lol, thanks to the thesis I got my first work, I expent 3 months in a research facility doing a investigation related on my thesis and also, I wrote a paper that's participating for a bio-engeenery and technological inprovements congress (woo sounds so nerdish lol). I became a huge Sims 2 obsessive freak lol, I start to experiment with Machinima (doing movies using a video game) and I found it so relaxing and, and, mmm dont know how to explain it, maybe later I'll write a post about machinima and some of my movies links..... what else what else? Oh, I became a father (LOL) of a cute tiny little poodle dog! xD not a human baby! ( eso es solo entre pupi y sho xD )

Well, that's all I remember now, I know I will remember ten thousend of other things later but what the hell...

Anyways, just wanted to let you all know, if you still read this thing, that I'm still alive and doing fine. Hope to write and use this a little bit longer, now that I'm unemployeed again lol. 

See ya next time guys!